but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
