Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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