im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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