2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
