would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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