the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
