hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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