im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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