girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
