I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
