I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize