He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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