Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
