You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize