I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
