i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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