The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
