I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
