Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
