with your own penis?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
