how can u be prego again
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
