We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You made out with two different species that night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
