I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
