Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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