God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
