I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
