He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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