Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
