Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
