he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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