Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
