watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
