don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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