they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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