he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
