we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
