I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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