I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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