He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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