I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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