I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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