When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
