This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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