I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
