hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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