hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
