I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
