i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All the doctor said was why
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize