And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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