we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
