i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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