either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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