I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
