I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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