I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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