I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
