then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
