WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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