This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
