cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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