I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
