Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
